You Don't Have to Be Perfect: Victoria Mercedes-Rose on Imposter Syndrome, Secure Attachment, and Life as a Counsellor on the Sunshine Coast

Jameson Dean: Hello and good afternoon, good morning, good evening — who knows what time of day it is where you are. My name is Jameson Dean and I’m the host of this podcast, Rhodes Wellness Podcast. Today we have special guest Victoria Mercedes-Rose. Please introduce yourself. Who are you — more than what I’ve already said? What do you do? And maybe even how do you do it?

Victoria: Thank you for having me. I am a graduate of the Professional Counselling Diploma with Rhodes. I am a counsellor and coach. I am a student of life, a teacher of all that I’ve learned, and living in my hometown, Gibsons on the Sunshine Coast here in BC. And I have my actual cat, Bella, who might be in the background at some point — it’s important to mention her because she’s a part of the crew here. The first thing that came to mind when you asked that question was: a soul in a human body. And sometimes I struggle with that question of “who are you?” because I’m so many things. But for the sake of the theme of what we’re doing here, I think that sums it up.

Jameson Dean: Yeah. To fitting in boxes — or not — and to show up in a way that is authentic and real, and talks about the journey of a graduate from Rhodes Wellness College. Now, almost four years out of graduation as a registered counsellor in BC, taking on clients, right?

Victoria: Yes, yes.

Jameson Dean: Incredible. And with that, what have you learned in the last few years leading up to this moment about this work overall? What would your past self, say six years ago, say to your current self?

Victoria: It doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be perfect. I think so much of the beginning of stepping into the role as a counsellor, there was so much imposter syndrome — like, who am I to? When I graduated, or when I started Rhodes, I think I was about 25. Still quite young. And I remember, I got this feedback from a woman who was like, “no offence, but what do I have to learn from you? You’re only 25.” And I was like, you have no idea what I’ve been through in the past 25 years. I think that really crushed my sense of self-worth at that time — and that was right before I was starting Rhodes.

Victoria: So I think that was just one of the many voices that are out there around being young, around self-doubt — like who am I to, what do I actually have to offer? And as the years went on, more and more I’m starting to realize that it’s less about my skillset, less about my education, less about my designation, and more about how I’m showing up for others. The relationship. One of the most beautiful things about a therapeutic relationship is that sometimes you are people’s first secure attachment. What an honour that is. And what’s most important is that we show up with integrity, authenticity, with love — that unconditional positive regard. I remember hearing that then and knew it then, but it’s another thing to really embrace it, embody it, and integrate that knowing in your nervous system.

Jameson Dean: Wow. The fact that you were willing and brave enough to go out there and confront yourself enough, so you were confident enough in yourself to therefore hold space for others. Within itself, that is a big feat. Did the Rhodes program — the Professional Counselling Diploma — prepare you for that? How so?

Victoria: Yeah, to a certain extent, largely. I think no matter where you graduate from, there’s always going to be the essence of the unknown, especially for each of us as individuals. But what I believe sets Rhodes apart compared to what I’ve heard about other programs is not only the experiential style of teaching and learning, but the relationships and the sense of community.

Victoria: I went into Rhodes personally just starting to overcome the belief and attachment to this narrative that I will never do public speaking. I’d had an experience around 19 where it was like — I’m not ever doing that again. That was terrifying. I had done one open mic night reading a poem and doing some singing, and that was me kind of breaking past that fear. But what Rhodes really provided was the experience to continue to do that again and again — because in every course we have to do a presentation and a live demo. And that really boosted my confidence so much. Not only was I receiving very specific constructive feedback in such a kind and loving and compassionate way — areas I could improve — but the positive feedback of my strengths and my skills and my gifts. To have that held in a container and repeated to me again and again from multiple different perspectives gave me a sense of confidence and security in myself as a practitioner and leader that I honestly didn’t know was possible.

Jameson Dean: It sounds as if you were taking that feedback as information — not tying too much emotion to it, just seeing it as data that you were going to implement into your practice. Always being that student who is continuing to learn.

Victoria: Totally. And I think there’s also something to be said about the fact that you can’t really hide in a Rhodes classroom. Like, you kind of can — you can take a back seat — but in a lot of other programs, you can put on this facade of like, I know what I’m doing. Whereas at Rhodes, we really dig deep and do our own personal work. To witness all of your other colleagues or classmates of all different backgrounds struggling with essentially the same themes — there’s something deeply humbling about that. Like, oh, it’s not just me. This is a thing that pretty much everyone experiences. Okay — then I can be more gentle with myself. I can give myself permission to mess up or not be perfect.

Jameson Dean: I agree. The beauty of school is you get to learn and mess up and trip and fall and learn how to show up for others — without it being detrimental to clients.

Jameson Dean: I want to go back to something you mentioned — that person who said, “what do you know at 25?” What do you wish you could say now, with what you know, in response to that type of comment?

Victoria: Yeah. The first thing that comes to mind is — it doesn’t actually matter what I know. What matters is my quality of presence. How open my heart and mind are to the person in front of me. How grounded and contained I am. How much I’m able to empathize and connect but still remain autonomous in my own being so that there isn’t transference or counter-transference. And ultimately, in the way that I work, the client is the expert. I’m not actually here to tell them what to do or to give them advice. From the way that I learned — and I think we both learned — it’s about asking the right questions so the client guides themselves. It’s less about what I know and more about the quality of how I’m showing up for the other person.

Jameson Dean: I couldn’t agree more. You said it so well. There’s something there about meeting your client where they’re at on that day — with the thoughts they may share, or the feelings they have. You help them come to their own light-bulb realizations, their own understanding of themselves. Help them come to forgiveness within themselves. It’s all about them, and helping them feel comfortable talking about themselves.

Victoria: Yeah. The healing power of holding someone in their emotional experience — that changes someone. Most people who come to therapy have either never had that, or have not had that level or quality of it. There is something transformative about that. I’ve been seeing my therapist — who I met through Rhodes — for five years now, consistently. She’s been a secure attachment for me and has shown up for me in ways that no one ever had. That has been one of the most powerful aspects of our relationship.

Victoria: And maybe a last point to that — the relationship takes time to build and deepen. It wasn’t until three years in that I started opening up about some deeper stuff that I was subconsciously afraid of my therapist judging me for. And I will say — my therapist is listening — I’ve felt when maybe there is a peak of judgment that comes up, or a part of her that becomes alive in a facial expression or in how something is said. And I think that’s actually really beautiful and creates a sense of safety — because I’m like, oh, she’s human. I’ve also had clients give me feedback of like, “your face just did a thing.” We try to remain neutral. But the reality is it’s a human relationship.

Jameson Dean: Yeah, and I commend you for being open to that. At the end of the day, we’re all human. Some people say we’re just walking each other home. And we’re not going to be always perfect or one hundred percent client-centred. That will happen at some points. And I think humility is key — it makes things lighter.

Victoria: Totally. It brings the humanness into it.

Jameson Dean: And yeah — I’ll share, I’ll self-divulge: about 12 years ago, I was not comfortable in this human body because I didn’t know how to love it or that things could be more malleable. I realized I was not feeling my feelings to the extent I could have, because I had to be tough, wear that mask. But years later, I look back and smile, because I’ve been willing and open and honest with my emotions. Helpers, healers, therapists, coaches — they’ve allowed for that. It’s invaluable. So to anyone listening — please reach out. Be willing to be brave enough to say, I am hurting. Those thoughts you’re least comfortable sharing are usually the best ones to let out with a professional.

Victoria: Mm-hmm. Someone who’s trained to hold them without judgment. And then hopefully provide a foundation for the kind of relationship that you go out and seek more of. Like — oh, this quality of connection is actually possible. It’s actually possible to not be judged, to be fully seen in all that you are.

Jameson Dean: Exactly. What have you done in the last three or four years that has helped you get to the point you’re at now within your own practice?

Victoria: Foundationally, definitely the personal work. Because each step of the journey, there have been certain blockages or setbacks — parts of myself I’ve been faced with that have been extremely uncomfortable, sometimes very dark. These shadow aspects that a lot of us can go so much of our lives without looking at. And those come up when we’re stepping into who we are becoming, stepping into a leadership role, stepping into our power. The parts of me that are capable, that are strong, that know they have something to offer this world. But as many of those parts exist, there are shadow aspects I need to work through in order to embody them.

Victoria: And then the practical pieces. Starting private practice was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. When I started Embodied Life, I decided to burn through my savings and put everything I had into my business. Opened up my office, did the website. My perfectionist part was very active then. So we spent a lot of time on branding and graphics. And it wasn’t successful at first. The clients were slow to come in. There was a lot of advertising, a lot of putting myself out there — Google ads, Facebook ads, Instagram ads, flyers on the local bulletin board, handing out business cards. It’s been this rollercoaster of a journey. After the first few months, I worked various part-time jobs to supplement income as I was building. And it still fluctuates. That’s a part of one-on-one client work and entrepreneurship — it’s not consistent.

Jameson Dean: I totally hear you. It’s not called a practice for no reason. You are the product, you are the service. Clients aren’t just going to fall out of the sky. Many people taking this as a second, third, or fourth career transition might be used to a consistent salary — that idea or feeling of security. Going entrepreneurially, you’re starting from nothing and trying to turn it into an ideal scenario. That difference between where you are and where you want to be is very significant. And it may take years, depending on your strategies, the way you network, the way you show up in the world. We talk about it in the business classes in year two of the program, but it’s sometimes hard to conceptualize how to market yourself authentically so you don’t feel like an imposter.

Victoria: Absolutely. It takes practice to be seen. And to do the work to move past the blockages of the fear of being seen.

Victoria: Another thing that came to mind — the times clients have been transparent and said, “I’m actually looking for something different.” In those moments, being true to my value of being of service has meant sending them referrals to other counsellors who might resonate with them more. And that was a humbling experience — wow, look at me embracing this rejection and then offering them something else because I don’t work for them. My inner teenager loved that.

Jameson Dean: Absolutely. That heart-and-soul-first approach — even when your head is saying it might be good for business to hold onto this client — that’s something important. And everyone’s journey is different. You can’t force the horse to drink the water. You have to be open and ready to help the horse drink when the horse wants to.

Victoria: Yeah. And for prospective students — you don’t magically arrive at knowing all the therapeutic modalities. Of course, you learn them, do tests on them, but to retain that information and deliver it to clients takes time. If this sounds overwhelming, know that it’s an incremental process rather than a place you just magically arrive at. It is totally possible to get to.

Jameson Dean: And every session is different. Every client is different. Every day is different. There are so many variables. How can you help hold space for them to feel seen and heard with what is going on in their lives? I think there’s something beautiful in that.

Victoria: What a gift. Some people might think this work is burdensome — how could you hold people through all of that? But when you learn proper energetic and emotional boundaries, and if you are someone who loves human connection, some days I’m like — how am I even paid for this? This is wonderful. I can see myself doing this until I’m on my deathbed. A wise old woman continuing to hold people in all that they are.

Jameson Dean: I love that. If I had understood that 10 or 15 years ago, I would have been dumbfounded. Here we are, continuing the journey to learn and grow, to also then help others feel seen and heard in the many different ways they may show up.

Victoria: Or still do. I had a client recently let me know that they felt very inspired because — although they don’t know my personal life — there have been times I’ve shown up in session where they could sense I was holding something or moving through a life transition. And they said, “and you are where you are now.” That was a moment of feeling seen myself. My struggles that I continue to experience now don’t make me less worthy or capable of sitting in this seat and holding others in what they’re going through. If anything, it brings more of that humanness in, and a reminder that we’re just fellow human beings walking each other home.

Jameson Dean: Yeah. Totally reminds me of the tendency we have as humans to constantly move the goalpost further ahead instead of acknowledging where we are.

Victoria: When I imagine where I want to be, I’m very far from it. When I look at where I’ve come from, also very far. But can I just remove those from the equation and embrace where I am now? I think that’s one of the hardest parts about being human — being in the present moment. A lot of us can relate to that.

Jameson Dean: Through and through. Eckhart Tolle and The Power of Now — this whole idea. How can we enjoy the journey of life, help it, heal it, love it more, moving forward? That’s probably all we have — the present moment, at least.

Victoria: Tomorrow and yesterday do not exist. They’re not existence. I really like embracing that — there is only right now. We don’t know what’s coming, which I think is an encouragement to just embrace the now.

Jameson Dean: To anyone listening — if anxiety is coming up for you while we talk about this, that’s totally normal. The future and our thoughts of it can often bring us anxiety in the present moment.

Victoria: Yes. I appreciate you mentioning that. It is a survival mechanism to stay in the past or the future. And beyond just a mindset shift, there is a foundational somatic, nervous system piece to it. If we are experiencing activation, there’s nothing wrong with that — that’s just a part of our physiology. Something we don’t have complete control over, and something we shift gradually with time and practice. In somatic therapy, we talk about orienting. Can we be present to the moment? There’s a five, four, three, two, one grounding practice — can we start to notice the objects in the room, the colours? Can we become aware that we are in a space enclosed by walls, that there’s no immediate threat or danger? Because that anxiety is the survival response that there is a potential threat. Can we learn to orient to the present moment — which takes practice and time, especially if we’re wired for survival — to really take in on a cellular level that we are safe. There is no immediate threat. Which is a lot easier said than done.

Jameson Dean: Exactly. There’s that funny interplay of nervous system and mind and soul when we think about the future, the anxiety it brings, and our brain not knowing much difference between that future vision and this moment.

Victoria: A lot more dynamic than just the mind — which I think is where many of us solely exist.

Jameson Dean: What do you have going on in your life, Victoria? What are you planning in the next year within your practice?

Victoria: People can find me on Instagram at embodiedlifewellness, and on my website embodiedlifewellness.ca — all my contact information is there. In terms of the next year — something very exciting is already happening. I recently graduated from a parts work course, actually with Bea, who co-founded the school. It was so good. I had already started exploring parts work personally, and from that personal exploration, bringing it in with clients. One of the things Bea said — and that I’m starting to witness now, even only implementing it for a month or two — is that it is really effective at healing PTSD, complex PTSD, and shame. There’s something about the externalization of parts work and the way we connect with ourselves in this different way that is really exciting. It’s changed the way that I work, and clients are really enjoying it. So that’s really fulfilling.

Victoria: It also pairs really beautifully with somatic and nervous system work, which is already near and dear to my heart. Together, they’re getting the juices flowing in terms of how I can provide this work to people who maybe can’t afford one-on-one sessions. So I’m showing up more online now, sharing more tools and practices on social media, as well as dreaming up some courses and programs that are more accessible than one-on-one sessions. Really looking forward to that. And continuing to do my own inner work. We’re heading into summer, which is the best time here on the Sunshine Coast — so looking forward to lots of nature time, camping, paddle boarding, and all that good stuff.

Jameson Dean: I love it. Connecting with the body, the mind, constantly learning, being a student of all the teachings that can come from life, and helping others feel more seen and heard. Creating. Cheers to creating. Thank you so much, Victoria.

Victoria: Thank you for having me. It’s my pleasure.

Jameson Dean: Take care and be well.

Victoria: You too.